By Robert Mooney
RICHMOND, North Yorkshire, U.K. – Somewhere along the sexuality spectrum, about halfway between asexual and sexual, is demisexual.
That’s where I recently found myself.Demisexual is in the middle, with Demi being Latin for half and the rest is self-explanatory. What many people don’t realize is that demisexuality isn’t a choice. It’s just who I am.
While according to some, this is a sexuality that originated on Tumblr, I really identify with it.
So what does this all mean? In real terms, while it may be a taboo subject, demisexuals only feel sexual attraction towards very few people and only towards those they have a strong emotional bond with, such as their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Even then, it doesn’t mean they have to act on that attraction.
Being able to finally put a name to what I was feeling for at least a year is a good thing. And being demisexual does not mean I am not straight.
Those who identify with the label can have all sorts of gender preferences, but mainly, they feel secondary attraction first. This means they often would like a person for their personality and emotional connection before aesthetic attraction, or what they can immediately see.
Admittedly, having felt like this for a year and a bit and only having put a name to it in the last few weeks, I’m still getting round the concept in my head, but as far as I can see, it’s no bad thing.
Asexuality, despite being not as well promoted as the LGBT movement, is genuine, and it is finally good to know that I’m not just the odd one out.
On the other hand, it is important to point out the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire. While both relate to the feeling of being close enough to someone to have sexual contact with them, sexual attraction is merely the feeling of feeling close enough to someone that you could have sex. Sexual desire is when a person wants to act on this.
I also have epilepsy, and some of the medication I take has an impact on my drive for these sorts of feelings, but I know that not all of what I am feeling is down to that.
I hope that Asexual Awareness Week – from Oct. 19 to 25 – will lead to better understanding among people.
In the end, being demisexual doesn’t make me weird, just different. I couldn’t think of a better way to come out that through something I am really dedicated to, my journalism. If I have helped anyone through writing this, I am glad.
I really hope that people can accept it and me as I am. If you would like to read more about the asexual spectrum, please visit the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network at www.asexuality.org.
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